Some things can't be escaped, it seems. I've tried facing it head on, walking in the eye of the storm, drenched and shivering to my soul, ready to give it away. It's no use, so I've decided to just stay out in the rain. Maybe it will help, even a little.
Today began pretty much the same way as yesterday. We started off with lunch at a Malaysian restaurant. It looked like a place where mob guys meet to discuss deals and hand over packages and pay outs. I had the Penang Prawn Noodle soup, a hawker dish that I was looking for a chance to taste for some time now. It was good, the soup not too spicy but also had a punch to its taste. After that we headed to the China-Macau Border Gate, to check out the shops and the sights in that area. My brother had me try a drink from a shop that called itself, "Comebuy". It was not unlike the drinks served at Quickly stalls. The gimmick was the same, the taste was good, but I can't compare it because I've never had one of those drinks before. The name of the shop itself was worthy of notice.
The shops we checked out were electronics stores, which sold mostly laptops and peripherals, and also the Esprit outlet in the area. Sad to say, I didn't find anything I wanted to use my pocket money on. Maybe tomorrow I'll find something. The next stop was the Fisherman's Wharf, near the Sands Hotel.
To be honest, the place was not really different from a theme-park like structure. Yet I found it to be quite beautiful, perhaps it had an appeal that I still could not describe. There were no rides, but the strip had a whimsical, light aura to it, and is also comparable to Bonifacio High Street. The difference probably is the fact that you could say it had the architecture of BHS, though not as wide, but it did not have the dead, concrete feel. It had character, it had feeling and not just a bare existence of being there. Unlike just having been built, the place felt like it grew on its own. One side of it was the strip, a row of shops and attractions, a casino and restaurants. On the other side was another row of cafe's and restaurants, with a view of the sea and the ferry terminal. It was scenic, relaxing and calming, and also quite a romantic place, I thought.
At the end of the line was the Rocks Hotel, which had an old English theme. I suddenly thought that if I was to book a place here in Macau, it would be that, or the Westin on the other island.
There was a peace in those two places, that I know I would crave for later on, once I get back. I only saw those places, stepped on their grounds for more than a few moments. But I tasted their auras, and it was enough for me to know I would want to go back, sometime.
Our next stop was the Sands Hotel and Casino, where my brother and I lost 300 HKD, without much trouble. My brother instantly herded me away from the place once the last of our gambling allocation was gone. He gave me advice about gambling, not too far from the usual line I'd hear from an elder telling someone younger. I know he's right, and I don't have any intentions at all of going back into gambling. Not that I was in it for much.
My brother next took me to the Venetian. It was a must-see, he told me. Once inside, I had to agree. The casino was larger than should be allowed. The canal shops, a long row of stores and restaurants with a venice-style body of water in the middle, was also a sight to behold. It was like being in a mall, yet with a bigger sense of grandeur. I stopped to buy myself some souvenirs at the souvenir shop. The pretty cashier convinced me to get another two products for a discount. I was easy. I talked to her a bit, not really trying to hit on her (she seemed like a local), but just to talk. Practice makes perfect, I always tell my applicants. She's never going to see or hear from me again anyway. What do I care if I make a fool of myself?
Later in the night, we headed to a party hosted by one of my brother's friends. I was just quietly sitting there, until someone handed me an xbox controller and put NBA 2k10 on the console. I played well enough to frustrate some of my brother's friends, even lighting a cigarette at the end of one game, as if to say, "that was goooooood." Mostly it was uneventful, and I only really wanted to observe them. I also found out that one of the girls my brother is hitting on is someone I had met long before. Small world.
They act pretty much the same way as me and my friends do. Reminiscing about past exploits and shaking their heads and sighing at old disappointments. They told jokes, talked about their absent friends, drank and flirted without malice. It seemed like a sign of hope, that maybe, me and my friends will be the same. It's going to take a bit more adjustment in terms of maturity and comfort, but pretty soon we'll all be that old. So we'll have to grow up if we just don't want to grow old. The age differences among them was also surprising. A few of them were my age, and the host of the party was actually celebrating his 40th.
Now, it's still not easy, going back to life tomorrow, once I step on the plane back home. But I'm still aching to go back, despite the pain and hurt that awaits me there. I haven't been away for long, but in a life ruled by routine, the past few days have been enough. I don't feel as sad or as devastated anymore, yet my mind keeps going back to her at odd moments. While walking around the wharf, the first thought in my mind was that I'd like to take her here sometime. It came with a jolt of pain, but it went away easily, with just a little push.
I'm keeping a list of projects I'd like to go into once I get back. Each one, I'd like to accomplish, but in what order I don't know. I'll figure it out along the way, seems like the best course of action. If I can't naturally be spontaneous and flexible, I guess I could start somewhere, by at least allowing a bit of randomness into my life, and learning to deal with it.
I know I'm getting better, just by the fact that I can listen to Adrian Gurvitz's "Classic" without my hand shaking. That and also knowing I can handle more drinks now.
"Since losing your love, I've been losing my mind."
Apt, yet also about to be irrelevant.
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